I’ve been threatening to blog for years and now I’m taking the leap. It’s got a purpose. I have a hurdle coming up and it’s going to be tough. I hope that at the end of it I will get to meet Freeda and she will become part of me.
Freeda is what I have called a lump of metal that may or may not already be in the shape of a hip. And I need her.
However, I am petrified. I mean absolutely petrified. And I have good cause. Lots of good causes – and not the kind I like. I like a good crusade, a rant, a campaign but these are not those kind of causes. These are the things that have hurt me, the many many things that have hurt me, over the last 60+ years. The things that have been done to me. The mistakes, errors, abuses I have experienced.
In order to get my head around it I need to go back and look at why I have already put it off for at least 5 years – all the obstacles, excuses, theories and even good reasons why I am still limping, still in pain and still terrified.
So my Counsellor suggested we focus on this and that I keep a mood diary relating to the process as I go through it. That was a nice idea. I’ve been waiting for somebody to suggest a subject for me to focus my ramblings on which normally tend to range from political diatribes to personal outpourings and back again, touching on all subjects in between. Yes, this would be a way of focussing and containing my waffle. With (hopefully) a beginning middle and end (a new hip with any luck?!).
But of course it’s not that simple… I began a week ago and already it’s turned into pages and pages of morbid introspection about my life. But hey, maybe somebody out there will want to read it?
So that’s what my blog will be about. Me and Freeda and everything in between.
fionagoffe 